you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
