So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
