I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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