And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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