i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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