if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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