I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
