If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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