Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
