Tell her she can't have a vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
