Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
