Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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