i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
