They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
