Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
