Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
