morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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