So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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