Can i not drive my cunt home
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
