Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
