It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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