i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
