Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
