Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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