Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.