He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen