well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup