How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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