Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.