My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.