i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
