im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
