We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i think i just lost a toe
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize