you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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