you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
