she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
