I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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