im holly from the hills drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
