I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
