If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my nose is crying tears of wow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
