I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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