When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
