in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
