you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
