I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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