how can u be prego again
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
