his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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