I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
