The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
