Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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