your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
