I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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