Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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