u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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