I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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