in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
