My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
