THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
