i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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