He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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