and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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