do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize