This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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