if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
