Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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