apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
