You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
