he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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