i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
