If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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