someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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