You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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