My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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