im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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