also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
